A RECORD OF MY HORMONAL SHENANIGANS AND MIDLIFE OBSERVATIONS.
Nov 20th, 2009 by Janice
For those of you following the news, Cumbria has been flooded and my home town of Workington,has had bridges swept away. A policeman, Pc Bill Barker lost his life as he tried to prevent members of the public crossing a bridge that later collapsed and swept him away.Tomorrow would have been his 45th birthday he leaves a wife and four teenage children.RIP
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Nov 14th, 2009 by Janice
Well furthur to my last post, Jenny has been in the animal hospital, she has had a battery of tests including a cat scan and a bronchoscopy. It has been discovered that she has chronic lung disease. Apparantly she’s had an infection that had gotten out of hand etc etc. . .and that in a nutshell has led to the problem.
So, where do we go from here? well. . . we have her on antibiotics,she has to spend time in a steam room to loosen secretions she has to loose weight because like lots of labradors she loves her food.
Last night was HELL! I slept on the sofa as she coughed the night away and I gave her a bit of Physio by slapping her back as they do with chest patients.
This morning I’m exhausted, but today she has seemingly improved -very little coughing after she went in the steam room, so we are hopeful that while she won’t be cured she can be managed and we will hopefully add some quality time to her life. 
Nov 10th, 2009 by Janice
In recent weeks we’ve had the drama of the cat going missing (Sally) she went out on the tiles as cat’s do and never came back. Despite putting out an all points bulletin she’s still missing.
Monty, Jenny and the peeping tom in the back is Sally.
This time it’s the turn of Jenny our Labrador, she’s an old lady of 13years and although she’s had good health most of her life,she’s not good at the moment.
Lately she’s been coughing as though trying to bring up a fur ball. She’s been on antibiotics etc, all to no avail, so I asked for an endoscopy(tube down the throat it’s expensive, but she’s insured,so that’s happening tommorrow.
We hope that all’s well but we know it may be serious and we console ourselves that she’s had a good life, but it’s never enough is it? we want them to last forever.I hope we can keep her, at this rate we’ll be down to one pet and Monty(German shepherd) likes company.
Nov 10th, 2009 by Janice
Here in the UK,the last week has been like a monsoon, we have been deluged with rain, some people farther down the country have been flooded out.We were Ok because we live on a hill. . . . until today, today, there was a burst pipe in the village and guess what NO WATER. We bought in some bottled for drinking, cooking etc,but for flushing the toilet, we were stuck and of course we all wanted to go!
So we have decided that we are going to set up a waterbutt in the yard, this will avoid the problem if it happens again and besides it’s being “Green” I feel quite pleased with myself. The water’s back on after a few hours but it just shows you how much we take water for granted, so much so we let it run away.BIG lesson there!
In a previous post I said I was going on a diet, well I’m a few days late weighing myself,(school hols) but When I did I found I’d lost 4Ibs which I’m very happy with and it was no effort, although I tended to concentrate on fruit and lowfat yoghurts if your wondering. If I lose 2Ibs a week then by their calculation I should reach my target weight by May 2010. Wish me luck!
Nov 1st, 2009 by Janice
“I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.
Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.
Look at this Richard. Just look at it:
I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?
You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in?
I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.
I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.
Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.
Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.
By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation-
It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.
I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.
Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:
I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel . . .
Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.
My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:
Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.
Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.
So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.
As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.
Yours Sincererly.
XXXX
Hopefully he sent him a food parcel!
Oct 27th, 2009 by Janice
I couldn’t resist this one, if we could only relax like cats, don’t think I’d fit in the sink though!
Oct 25th, 2009 by Janice
Having got myself very depressed lately, I decided that I would join a Slimming World and in that way take back some control over my life. Perhaps it’s hormones, but I no longer feel I’m in control of what happens to me, either emotionally or physically.
I described myself to my husband earlier as “A ship without a rudder and no damn oars” . . . he’s going deaf and thought I was talking about a HORSE, give me strength! So anyway I joined S.W.online and will keep you informed how I go on.
Oct 15th, 2009 by Janice
Have you ever wondered what you can do about the extra weight your carrying? well here is the answer. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.
Oct 14th, 2009 by Janice
I haven’t written lately, partly because not a lot’s happened and partly because I’ve felt quite down. It could be hormones who knows.
I might change the look of the blog and that could be enough to get me interested again. I have been doing entrecard but I don’t have the time or inclination to click on 300 websites, as boring as my life can be, I don’t want to waste it on that.
A couple of years ago I bought my husband a workshop, He has been working in the garage on his train set. He was feeling the cold a lot, so as his birthday is in November, I did a Birthday/Christmas present combo and ordered a workshop for him, some fellas came and put together these stone panels and voila. . . .a workshop he’s happier now and warmer.As my art shed was rotting I ordered myself a mini workshop last month and we are fitting it out.Cheap? not really, but they are solid. if you need storage space,they’re good investments.
Oct 13th, 2009 by Janice
I’m due to visit the nurse on the 15th, but theres no way I’m going, she’ll check my bloodpressure, she’ll weigh me and when she sees I’ve put weight on she’l throttle me. I know I’ve put weight on, because I’m a comfort eater and lately I have been in need of comfort, again and again and again. I’ll make another appointment in a week or two’s time.. . .maybe!
Sep 30th, 2009 by Janice
The last post was about phone troubles, well I found one that is easier for me and I’m much happier, my husband got my other phone my son got my husband’s phone.so everybody is happy.
I’m not the sort to upgrade all the time but I was determined to get a decent phone.Thing was the phone started off at £69. then there was £20 call time, I thought I’d add extra memory 4GB that was £17. by the time I finished it was over £100 Aaargh! we live and learn.
Sep 27th, 2009 by Janice
I bought myself a new mobile phone few months ago and despite my efforts I’m making no progress.I bought one that had a better camera in because I feel it’s useful to be able to snap at will. Well . . . I bought a Samsung for about £50, one that seemed to meet my needs ie- nice sized numbers, 3megapixel camera, “I’ll take it” I said, but I’m still trying to get to grips with it.
It has a few features that I don’t need, but that’s always the case, it’s the menus popping up and down that confuse me, when I try to catch them, they drop down and another one pops up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from stupid, but when I simply want to make a call, It’s like shooting ducks at the fair. So I passed this to my husband who says he doesn’t know what the problem is. . . . .not yet you don’t smart a*se.
Sep 25th, 2009 by Janice
Menopause makes us feel all kinds of weird things, but there’s no reason we should feel alone. Everytime I watch one of these videos about menopause, It reminds me that others are travelling the same road as me.it helps to know I’m not the only nutter.
Sep 23rd, 2009 by Janice
What a day, our second son has been complaining of stomach pains for a day or so, having had acute appendicitis as a child,I was anxious to avoid a repeat performance with the next generation. An appointment at the doctors, resulted in us being referred to the local hospital where we spent a furthur six hours having blood tests and examinations.
We ended up in the kid’s ward, it was decided that Jon may have an infection in his guts. All the same I felt so drained at the end of it and Jon had found the ordeal upsetting, he wasn’t as cocky as he usually is, he was my little boy again at least for a few hours. it was nice, but It was better when he was back to normal.We have to keep an eye on him for now.
Sep 22nd, 2009 by Janice
I was due a check up with the nurse today BP, weight.she never commented on the BP but my weight is up again.I couldn’t believe it, I’m not eating much at all infact I skip meals it’s crazy. I drink lots of water to combat it, but it must be heavy water.
Try more exercise then she says so it’s back to the drawing board.
Sep 19th, 2009 by Janice
Don’t know what’s wrong with me lately,I think I’d benefit from a swift kick up the rear at times but then who doesn’t?
Menopause has made me put weight on- that and biscuits and lack of exercise. it’s ironic, I feel moody and down so I comfort eat, followed by guilt and self loathing . . . . so I grab a biscuit because I want to feel better, then I think . . .well I’ve already screwed up my diet. . .I’ll start again tomorrow. Anybody out there saying Amen?
I procrastinate which is out of character for me, I’m neglecting housework, this blog and anything that requires effort.
Self discipline I gotta get some.
Sep 18th, 2009 by Janice
Well despite putting out lots of posters, we haven’t found Sally our cat although we have had a number of phonecalls from people who think they have seen her. Unfortunately none of them was Sally, but it’s been nice to see how keen many people are to help. Some of those who rang, wenT some way to restoring my faith in human nature,it was good and although we are still catless we have made some new friends or at least nodding aquaintances.Every cloud has a silver lining. Sally where are you?
The cat’s gone missing and we have spent the last few days trying to work out where she might have gone. The kids are naturally upset but we are doing all we can think of to track her down.
We have had her for almost 3 years now, we got her from the cat rescue where she was surrendered by her previous owners.
Sep 6th, 2009 by Janice
For those who have with grit and determination being following this blog well done! but I have to confess to being distracted of late with various things, kids being off schools for 8 weeks this year. I am a bit mentally challenged as a result,I have also all but quit Entrecard because I haven’t the time to click on all the other sites and do normal stuff so it’s apologies all round I’m going to try catching up with my regulars asap.
Aug 23rd, 2009 by Janice
I had to put this onsite because this is me to a T . . . .handbags at 20 paces or in this case cars.Enjoy!
Aug 18th, 2009 by Janice
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages…only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
Thanks to Aunty Pitty Pats
Aug 18th, 2009 by Janice
I feel like flattening my youngest son (13yrs) for a comment I overheard him make to his friend today. I’m much too sensitive at present I know, but he was complaining because the meals lately have little variety. What he forgets is I’m battling a husband with Celiac disease who has to avoid certain foods, then there’s himself who doesn’t like chips, waffles,mashed or boiled potatoes, won’t eat vegetables in any shape or form,it kinda restricts you Aaaarrg!
So . . . . From now on I’m going to make out a new menu and he called bloody well like it or lump it, and if he goes looking for sweetstuff . . .well it won’t be available. No more mister nice guy, the gloves are off.
Note to all men never criticise a womans cooking, you could end up on the menu!
Aug 13th, 2009 by Janice
Why is shopping such a pain in the backside when you get older? When I was younger I didn’t have half the problem I have now, there was a lot to choose from, I could buy stuff off the peg and I looked good.These days you can’t buy certain clothes because you would either look like mutton dressed as lamb,a transvestite or the Goodyear blimp. There’s so little to choose from now that I’m older, I look at some clothing and think I’m not wearing that, I’ll make me look middle aged then Phil says ” Well you are middle aged” thanks Phil!
The sales staff in shops seem hell bent on getting up my nose, trying to give me help I don’t want, I’ll ask if I want help, honest.We went into PC world the other day we stepped through the door and IMMEDIATELY a young woman said “Hello What brought you here today?” and me being me, I said “The car” It wasn’t what she meant and I knew that but I had shifted into awkward mode.
Music is another grump with me why the hell can’t they play something soothing or better still silence? No! we have to suffer whatever the spotty herbert in sales chooses, it’s not easy for me choosing something while listening to Meatloaf singing “Bat out of hell” and I often have to leave. Rant over.
Aug 12th, 2009 by Janice
I went home to visit my mothers grave today after a 3 year absence, this was due mainly to distance, opportunity and the rotten weather we get in England. I try to “visit” at least once a year but in Cumbria the weather can get a bit hairy so I pick a safe time.
As I usually do,I spent time remembering my childhood, people I had grown up with, my local haunts.As I looked around though I hardly recognised the place, it was as if someone had wiped away the town and replaced it with “progress” that wasn’t.I heard from other people that going back to places from our past can be a bit of a disappointment,it’s because what we remember and what remains are usually very different.
I remember when my parents died, I decided that while I was happy for others to see them, It was my decision not too, because I wanted to remember them as they were. I wish we could do the same with places but we can’t.So To deal with this I’m thinking that I’ll make a book of memories things to look back on,old photos old maps. . . . It will be a struggle to get some photos infact I will just have to make do with sketches but I’m going to do it,
Aug 8th, 2009 by Janice
Looking back over the years we’ve had some fun with our kids,last night, one of them said to me “Goodnight sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite” why on earth we teach kids rhymes like that I don’t know, but years ago I suppose bed bugs were a problem and finding a good bed bug bite treatment was important because their bite itches like crazy.So if you want to creep people out try that rhyme on them.
Aug 8th, 2009 by Janice
Jul 28th, 2009 by Janice
Yesterdays episode of “The Bill” (police drama).was good. It’s the only drama I follow and it’s up to date with modern day situations. One of the stories recently, was about an elderly woman who’d been burgled, the yobs that commited the crime didn’t get much of financial value, but what they took was her memories, the little treasures collected over the years, gifts from grandchildren,photos of her late husband, souvenirs of people she loved.
It made me think about home security ADT have a good reputation, fast response time for authorities and it’s easy to use and ythey do have regular special offers. Peace of mind is a valuable asset.
Jul 28th, 2009 by Janice
I made a trip to a local carboot sale the other day, I love those things,but they tend to depend on the weather, obviously people don’t want to either sell or buy while it pours down.There are some goods that I wouldn’t give a home to,but I was looking for soft toys that I could turn into puppets. Finally I found a couple of 50p toys that I ” converted” gave them working mouths and I’m learning them to talk.I know all this is going to tarnish the memories of my kids when their older ”Remember when mum started playing with dolls again?”LOL.
Jul 23rd, 2009 by Janice
I saw myself in the mirror the other day and it looked like my face had a puncture. I hate getting older, one day I took a look at the crows feet and I thought there’s a new rule needed here, don’t look in the mirror first thing in the morning- seven years bad luck and all that!
I thank God for glasses these days but even then, I’d need cataracts to miss some of these lines.As I don’t have a time machine, I need to find myself the Best Wrinkle Cream to hold back the ravages of time, I’ve seen all the ads on tv but in the end it’s going to be a case of trial and error so watch this space.
Jul 23rd, 2009 by Janice
Jul 21st, 2009 by Janice
While Phil and the kids are away in London, I’ve gone mad and begun redecorating the living room, it looks a lot better than it did, but now as I look round at the furniture, I’m wondering if I should run the roller over that, because the decorating makes it look bad. Sofa Covers at “Plumbs” and they’re throwing in free matching armchair covers, or I can get the furniture re-upholstered if I prefer I never thought of that, that sounds interesting. if I can’t decide they can do a home visit. Well if I decide to be a couch potato I’ll be able to vegitate in style.
I’m thinking that getting some new covers would work, there are some great looking
Jul 20th, 2009 by Janice
Last night was bad, very little sleep for me because one of the dogs was sick. Jenny our elderly labrador has been having intermittent vomiting, but with her age we thought that we had better check her out. Phil and the kids are meant to be going away to Reading in Berkshire today for a short break, but we had to take her to the vets. Because of her age we always fear the worste and this time was no different, morbid I know but It’s my way.
Fortunately it didn’t seem too bad and we got away with bloodtests and a shot of antibiotics she seems to have picked up a little in a couple of hours so that’s good. The bill was £60 but that’s the joy of pets and she’s a lovely old thing.
Phil and the boys got away alright, they’ll be doing a bit of male bonding and I. . . .I will be playing catch up with the housework, Oh don’t worry I’ll only do so much, which reminds me I have bedding to hang out.TTFN.
Jul 19th, 2009 by Janice
Tommorrow Phil and the kid’s are off down to Reading in Berkshire, he has friends there and the idea is that he and the boys travel into London and sightsee over a period of 3 days. I on the other hand will be holding the fort at Merseyside, not that I wasn’t invited but I lived in London for 2 years and I’ve seen enough thank you, anyway I intend to stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet. I will be getting the house back to “normal” and then I’m going to wrap it in clingfilm. Watch this space.
Jul 11th, 2009 by Janice
It’s the start of the school holidays and although it’s early days, things seem to be going smoothy so far. To help towards this Phil has got in some beer for me, it will be a last resort but it helps to know I have a ” friend” at hand. If that doesn’t work I can bop the kids with the empty bottle. A win win situation I think.
